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Er, hi there ... I know, it's been a while, but some of you might remember me, I guess. I'm afraid I almost certainly won't be providing a major update on what's been going on since last I wrote, on account of I suspect that would simply mean another year of not posting anything at all. So, in hopes that this entry will really mean that I'm back, let's get to it ...

Well, our family's 2022 hasn't started out quite as well as we might have hoped. After a low-key new year's dinner at Carl Dow's (my one and only regular out of the house contact since Covid hit Canada), on Sunday I started to feel like I had a cold coming on. Monday I was deep into (what felt exactly like) my first cold since before Covid came to Canada.

Thought I, "I really should get tested," and went to the net to find out how to arrange that. Turns out that, despite having an unvaccinated toddler at home, our brutal and cowardly government doesn't want people to know the actual number of infections - I didn't meet the testing criteria.

To make a long story short, Raven came down with flu-like symptoms on Tuesday, and poor Baobao spent the same day day, eating and puking and sleeping (three hours in my arms through one exhausting stretch). Covid? Omicron variant? I think so - between the three of us we've covered pretty much all the symptoms and Raven has (honest to god) never had so much as a cold or flue in the dozen years we've been together - but I don't suppose we'll ever know for certain, since Doug Ford's incompetent and malignant regime doesn't want people to know how bad things are and won't test people.

Nevertheless, I am cautiously happy to report that my "cold" seems to be easing up, that Baobao hasn't vomited since Tuesday's deluge and that her energy levels are back to normal, though she still has a bit of a cough and isn't eating much, and that Raven's symptoms haven't kept her from working (from home, people; from home!). Oh, and my father reports that he feels perfectly well.

So, presumably I picked it up while out shopping but, again, we'll never know, because our government can't be bothered to test.

Knocking wood this is as bad (for us) as it's going to get, I'm going to watch the new episode of The Expanse, then try to have an early night. Here's a recent photo of my darling toddler. how soon they grow up

P.S. On Monday I called Ontario's Telehealth line for advice about what to keep an eye out for vis-a-vis Baobao, but was told (when I finally got through to a receptionist of some sort, that there was a four day wait for a call-back. My hats, all of them, are off to our health-care workers.

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Aside from the plague, Young Edifice, how are things going?

Baobao reads NE TOUCHE jamais UN dinosaure

I feel as if I ought to be pulling a Dr. Johnson, reporting on my experience of the Great Plague of 2020 (and 2021? Time will tell), but my own, personal life has thus far been so little affected, I really feel I have almost nothing to say about it at all.

Prior to the emergence of Covid-19, I worked a job in the transportation industry 4 days a week, on a shift that usually saw me get home around 2:00 in the morning. Three days a week were spent domestically, some shopping, some cooking, some cleaning, lots and lots of time with the baby.

Meanwhile, Raven is looking forward to returning to work in August, and hoping against hope that she will not be working from home, but she too is normally pretty hermatose; I doubt she goes out with friends even once every couple of months as a rule.

So for us, what's not to like? (I know, I sound like a privileged asshole, and yet, it is my personal experience with this thing thus far.) And whaddo I know about the social dislocations, the anxieties, the economic suffering, caused by the plague? Basically, only what comes through my Facebook feed and, to a much lesser extent, here or on Twitter.

It isn't that I feel above the concerns of the world, so much as that I just feel apart from them. Hell, we never even ran out of toilet paper or kleenex because we always bought in bulk when such things would go on sale. (I even managed to find a fucking pound of yeast last week to replenish my dwindling supply!)

So, I dunno, what the hell am I supposed to write about here, that I am not already writing about elsewhere?

Oi. I hate this entry already. Here, have a video showing what I've learned from my small daughter and, maybe, that might express something that some of you are feeling during these weird times. Then I'll talk a little about her, and our latest anxieties.

Baby does love her cheap toys!

Well, now that I've buried the lede, I can report on our nine-month check-up with our GP (by telephone, nat'ch!).

Tiny, perfect baby growing slow ...

Well, I dunno about "perfect", but what else would you expect a father to say?

Baobao is healthy so far as we can tell. She has lots of energy, is crawling well and starting to show signs of being interested in standing; she's eating (and enjoying) a super-wide variety of foods to supplement her breast milk; her pee is clear and she's had no problems pooping; she's vocal as hell and if she's been crying more than she used to, there doesn't seem to be anything actually wrong with her — she just resents having to go down for a nap.

So, lucky us, so far and so it seems!

But one thing is causing Raven some stress, though her papa is un-bothered and, in truth, thinks it kind of amusing.

As those of you who have met me in person already know, I am not a tall man. In fact, I am considered pretty damned short, at least in the first world. I used to be a bit over 5'5" tall but at my most recent physical I measured under. Shrinking already, apparently. Nevertheless, on my dad's side of the family, I am one of the two or three tallest of a dozen or so cousins.

I credit my Mongolian heritage (a paternal aunt recently had her DNA tested and came up with 5% "central Asian" (not to mention 3% Neanderthal!) heritage, so this thesis is edging onto proven) for being what my father has long called "normal height".

Raven (5'2"? 5'3"?), on the other hand, does not subscribe to my less-is-more philosophy, and so was underwhelmed when we reported Baobao's latest measurements to the good Doctor Chow.

  • Length/height: 66 centimetres = 5th percentile;

  • Weight: 15.2 pounds = 10th percentile;

  • Head circumference: 45 centimetres = 80th percentile

So. Super small baby, actually. And Raven told me just this morning as the three of us lounged in bed for a bit that if she were in the 3rd percentile there would be reason to worry there was something wrong with her &dmash; so she's only just within the normal range.

Which means I can still laugh about my baby's size (in contrast to my sweetie's unfulfilled desires; she wanted a boy, too), rather than worry about it.

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If there's one thing that must be characteristic of all child-carers (if not necessarily all parents; some have nannies), it must be exhaustion.

Now, I feel I have to rush to equivocate: Raven and I have been extremely fortunate compared to many so far. Nevermind that our Baobao seems healthy (if not exactly rushing to hit her developmental milestones; for instance, nearly nine months old, she has yet to sit up by herself or start to pull herself to her feet by holding on to the walls of her crib or playpen; if my parents are to be (independently) believed, I was ,walking at nine months, three weeks), but since she was about two months old, she has slept through the night more of than not.

Photo of Young Geoffrey with daughter Baobao touching his chin
Magister Domum, with Child: When she was sweet, she was very, very sweet ...

Mind you, a baby's night is not necessarily a grown-ups. My baby is currently awake and demanding between 07:03 and 07:18, not matter if (like Wednesday) she went down for good around 22:30 or if, like yesterday, she went down (after a rough bedtime!) around 22:30, then awoke just before midnight for a feed, and then again around 02:30. And she cares "not a whit" for what time poor Young Papa Geoffrey went to bed.

And because of that, I tried to hit the sack around 23:00 last night, and would have managed 00:00, had she not chosen to demand more food around 23:50. Raven took care of that feed, but I was still awake for it and after it.

Anyway, since I stopped working for a paycheck (which usually saw me home after midnight and lucky to be in bed by 04:00) it has been Young Geoffrey on the morning shift. Which means I am very lucky to finish a night with even a full seven hours of sleep. Usually it's more like five or six.

Again, I'm not complaining, just noting the fact: babies are a lot of work!

But no regrets. The moment Raven squeezed her out, I felt a flood of hormones washing through my system that declared, She [the baby, sorry Raven] is the Chosen One, the most important thing in your life from now on!, and those have not washed away.

Not everyone wants to be a parent, and more power to you! But some are built for the job, and I seem to be one of them.

Post-scriptum: Hivemind! The photo above reminds me strongly of a famous painting; does anyone recognize it and, if so, could you point me to a copy of it? If I could accidentally participate in that art reproduction during quarantine meme, I would do it.

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1. Are you an Essential Worker? Sort of. My day job is in the transportation industry, driving flight crews between the airport and their various hotels. However, there hardly are any flights right now, so I have been officially laid off due to "shortage of work". The company is maintaining a skeleton crew for the duration.

That said, I effectively laid myself off a couple of weeks early, and so am fortunate that my boss (it's a family-run company; they've offered interest free loans to employees who might need them) was understanding. He could have said that I had quit.

2. How many drinks have you had since the quarantine started? Quite a lot fewer than I had had in any corresponding period of time before the isolation began. I have had a hard time justifying a trip to my local beer store as "essential", so have gone completely dry for a number of multi-day periods, while at other times have worked on my limited Cuban rum supply, and have bought three outrageously expensive six-packs from the local grocery store licensed to sell beer and wine.

But I dunnon how long my self-exile from the beer store will last.

3. If you have kids... Are they driving you nuts? How could my fantastic nearly-eight month old baby drive me nuts? I adore her more with every morning that she wakes me up for her first feeding. (Raven produces the milk 24/7, so I do not at all begrudge her when she needs to sleep in.

4. What new hobby have you taken up during this? None. But I have been getting more writing done, am working on promoting the damned fine historical romance my micropress recently published, and have even started to get my back online, a labour of love going back to the turn of the century. Jesus god, I have become venerable.

My sweet baby holds a copy of my father's sweet book, Black Grass

5. How many grocery runs have you done? Lost track. I'm out once or twice a week, depending, as I'm shopping not only for us but for my father.

6. What are you spending your stimulus check on? I haven't got one yet. I've applied for EI and the CERB, but it is on hold while they investigate my small business (the aforementioned small business. When I went on "family leave" last summer, it took five god damned months to get my money (for the same reason). Hopefully it won't take quite so long this time.

7. Do you have any special occasions that you will miss during this quarantine? Not many. But I was supposed to start playing soccer again in May; that's been postponeed indefinitely. And I was going to go see a concert in Toronto this past Wednesday; that has been postponed until November; we'll see if it actually happens, and whether I'll be able to swing going, since Raven will be back at work by that point (unless she's working from home).

The fact that this wasn't (and won't be) a disaster for me is two-fold in origin. First, Raven is able to carry me economically if necessary (she's with the federal civil service and is frugal as hell) and her frugality has rubbed off on me. I typically have a couple of months living expenses in the bank, something that seems almost miraculous to me.

8. Are you keeping your housework done? Yeah. Housework — vacuuming and moping — is my job and I've been doing it a little more often than I had been before the lockdown.

9. What movie have you watched during this quarantine? Movie(s)? Just one, actually, and only two nights ago: Kick-Ass, which, as profane and bloody as it is (or maybe, because it is so bloody and profane, is far and away the best super-hero movie I've ever seen. The review I wrote back in 2010 still pretty much describes what I think of it.

10. What are you streaming with? "Streaming". Ho ho ho. Let's just say I get my teevee via unconventional channels and leave it at that.

Most of what I've watched during quarantine has been old: random episodes of The Trailer Park Boys and Curb Your Enthusiasm, mostly. I think I finished Star Trek: Picard, too, so we'll count that. And that, while I'm at it, had its charms and I'll (at least start to) watch the next season, but Jesus it was slow. The first six episodes were like the first six minutes of a decent heist movie (or so I imagine, not being a heist movie afficionado).

11. 9 months from now is there any chance of you having a baby? I already have one, thank you, and she's all the baby we need!



12. What's your go-to quarantine meal? Don't have one. We were an eat-out-once-a-week-max couple before the baby came, and became even more the dine-in types afterwards. The quarantine has meant only more experimentation with new recipes.

13. Is this whole situation making you paranoid? Not really. I've always been pretty good in a crisis, and I seem to be moreso as I get on in years. I'm being cautious, but on a gut level, I seem unable to believe I will be personally affected.

14. Has your internet gone out on you during this time? We went with a really cheap router about five years ago, so it needs to be rebooted every so often. But no more so than before.

15. What month do you predict this all ends? Damned if I know. As a famous unindicted war criminal once put it, there are too many unknown unknowns. But I don't think we'll be back to normal any time soon. I'll consider us really lucky if my "spring" soccer season starts in August.

16. First thing you’re gonna do when you get off quarantine? Take my sweetie and my baby for a really long, carefree walk. Then look into setting up visits we haven't been able to make.

17. Where do you wish you were right now? Weird thing is, I'm pretty happy where I am. But, as one of you put it, though with a different emphasis: in a better timeline.

18. What free-from-quarantine activity are you missing the most? Soccer. And I'm pissed that I missed seeing The Warning in concert this past Wednesday. (Possibly I'll see them in November.)

19. Have you run out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer? Nope. We (by which I mean Raven, mostly), have long made a habit of hoarding stocking up when things like toilet paper go on sale. So we're kind of laughing while the rest of you are wishing you hand't let your newspaper subscriptions lapse in 2003.

20. Do you have enough food to last a month? A full month, no shopping? Maybe. But we'd get awfully sick of beans and rice. Or maybe rice only.

What about you folks, who are still at least lurking on such archaic social media as LJ/DW?

I'm back! What about you?

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Wednesday, November 28th, 2019


My darling daughter, on the morning of her 100th day on this good earth. Photo and costuming by Raven.

My darling Asta,

It will, of course, be quite a few years before you are able to read this letter and, probably, quite a few more than that before you are able to appreciate it. It will even be five or six years before you are able to simply read these words at all.

Nevertheless, I write them, for you and also for your mother and I.

Today marks the one hundredth day since you came into this world, since I saw you emerge from between your mother's akimbo thighs, all damp and slimy and gelled with blood and mucus, howling outrage at the shock and indignity of being pushed from the comfort of the womb, the only home you'd known for the nine long months of your brief life.

You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and it was all I could do not to begrudge your mother the joy of holding you against her bare chest — skin to skin, they call it, a far cry from the old days of my childhood, when babies were immediately taken from their mothers, weighed and measured before being taken out to show to their waiting fathers, then placed in a plastic [cradle???] for more examinations before, finally, being introduced to their mothers — before, nearly two hours later, I had my own chance to hold you close to myself.

How can I express to you just how tiny, how helpless, how absolutely precious you were during those first, exhausting anxiety-riddled days? How can I explain that you have, with each passing day, become that much more precious to me, and to your mother, even as you have taken up more space, grown stronger, more (dare I say it?) human?

Well, it's true. When you first emerged, you were a tiny, squalling thing — during those rare moments when you were awake and (of course) eating.

To a large extent, that is still a pretty good description of what you are and what you do. You sleep, you wake up to eat, you pee and you poo. But as time goes on, you spend a little more time awake, a little more time noticing the world around you.

I would like to say that I'll never forget the first time I saw you smile, but the truth is, I'm not entirely sure when that was. As with so much else, there is a slow transition to your actions. "Is that a smile?" we would ask each other, "or just gas?"

By the time we were certain that you were smiling at us, you had probably been doing it for a while.

And so it is, and so I think you will find it in your own life: those moments of certain phase changes, when one thing becomes another, will be few and far between, and sometimes you won't even notice when they do occur.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. After all, you are even now only 100 days old, and if you smile when I make a funny face, if it seems you appreciate when I rock you in my arms and sing you to your surprisingly dream-filled sleep, you are still a creature that spends most of her time in that sleep, still mostly helpless (if ever so much stronger!), still an eating and peeing and pooing machine ...

Yet here it is. I don't think I can begin to tell you just how much joy you have brought to my life.

It doesn't hurt that you have been an easy baby (so far! *Daddy Zesser crosses his fingers and knocks the proverbial wood*). You seldom cry but when you are hungry. You sleep when we travel (except — of course! — when you get hungry again!) and you are not bothered when meeting new people, your cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. Not to mention how brave you were when you received those first two, shocking, needles in your tiny thighs; it was almost as if you understood we were having you vaccinated "for your own good", as parents have been excusing their cruelties since time immemorial.

But that cruelty was for your benefit, and though it pained me to pain you, I have no regrets, nor will I when we do it again in less than a month's time.

But I digress.

I am at work as I type this, Asta, time away from you of which I begrudge every minute of every hour.

But even if you cried more than you do, if you fought your diaper changes instead of cooperating, if you struggled in the bath instead of smiling and letting us wash you up and down, even if you made everything harder than you do, I have no doubt that I would still love you more than I had ever thought possible.

The ancient Greeks had the right idea when they decided that more than one word was needed where English has but one, love.

The love of a parent for a child — of your father, for you, is a reality on an animal level. I fell in love with you the moment you came into the world. (Do I repeat myself? Well, I repeat myself; I am full up, I overflow.)

That love has only grown with the passage of these 100 days I am celebrating now.

That decade of days has been the richest I can recall, and quietly every bit as intense as the halcyon days of my teenage years, when I believed I was metamorphosing from boy to man. (Little did I know that maturation is a project that lasts — at least it did for me; perhaps it will be different for you — many years beyond adolescence! At 54, I don't know that I am even now done growing up.)

And I look forward with awe (and a little dread, too, but that is a tale for another letter, or maybe, many letters, to come) to watching you grow and learn and blossom. I yearn to be there for your first tentative foot-steps, your first words, even your first No!.

But all that is the future.

Happy 100th day, my darling girl! I hope (and believe) that your mother and I have done a pretty good job in making your first three months and a bit just about as happy and healthy as possible. If your smile doesn't lie, you think so, too. Or at least, you have no complaints.

I love you desperately, daughter mine. May you live to enjoy one thousand times one hundred days, and may I see you through at least a tithe of those!

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Hello to Asta Djun-Rei!

Photo of Asta Djun-Rei as Mao Tse-Tung meeting Henry Kissinger, as portrayed by my adopted Panda son, Carl the Second
My infant daughter and my adopted son, Carl the Second, play Mao meeting Kissinger. Just because.

How time flies. Jesus god, but time fucking flies, it's unbelievable. And yet, it is true. I am a father, a papa, a daddy, and have been now for six weeks as of Monday at 19:59.

We had been told to expect her to arrive on August 29th, but the impatient girl had other ideas, popping into the world on the 19th, instead. Possibly the video below explains why; it was shot on the 15th by her mother and certainly suggests a child more than ready to explore the outside world.

Raven's pregnancy was an easy one. Basically no morning sickness — if I remember correctly, she told me she threw up twice during the first trimester — or other painful or inconvenient symptoms. The worst, for me, was that her already-keen sense of smell went haywire during the second and third months and, for her, that her feet swelled up quite a bit during the final month or so. I found myself giving her a lot of foot rubs but the tragedy is, she doesn't enjoy foot rubs; so she endured them as a medical necessity.

Anyway, her actual labour carried on the tradition. She started feeling the first hints of contractions on Sunday night, reporting them to me after I returned from my evening soccer game. We made sure we had our her overnight packed up and ready to go, just in case, then called it a night.

And in the morning, she told me she wanted to go to the hospital. But not before we shared a typical Cantonese style breakfast.

Labour or no labour, Raven needs her sustenance. Pictured is her breakfast, before we called a cab to take us to the hospital.

We arrived at Ottawa's Civic around 13:00 hours and were triaged pretty quick. Raven was deemed too far along to be sent home, not far enough to be admitted. Why not walk around for a while, come back in a couple of hours, or if your water breaks?

An hour and a half later, her water did break, Raven was declared 3 centimetres dilated and we were soon settling in for ... however long it would take.

That was at 15:00 hours. At 18:59, the baby surprised everyone but Raven — shortly before, a nurse was advising her to Breathe! but Raven said, "No! It feels like the baby is coming out!" And she was right.

So. Yeah. No epidural, no tylenol, the only pain-killer she took — then or after — was too dig her fingers into my belly's flesh and that on the back of my neck.

I have never been so happy to take such abuse (well, okay: I kinda liked it. It was a lot like a massage for me.)

Photo of my daughter, taken on 2019-08-19, moments after she was born

I'm not going to even try to recount the subsequent six weeks! Suffice it to say that that first was an entirely new category of exhaustion. No amount of partying, studying or anything else prepared me for the reality of those first few days trying to care for that utterly helpless, tiny, person becoming.

Since then, we have mostly managed pretty well, I think. Raven has had one really bad week (which meant I had one, too; I found myself force to write her a long letter, doing my best to offer understanding and support and love, while also saying in effect, You can't treat me this way!. She didn't respond with words, but it seemed to have an effect. At least, she seems happier.

Breastfeeding hasn't gone well, so Raven has resorted to a pump, which is typically providing about 70% of our daughter's food. The other 30%, obviously, is formula. I can live with that, and so can the child. Which is what matters most.

And nature's hormonal powers sure did their job on me! I fell in love with that tiny creature while she was still a slimy, bloody mess in her mother's arms. Then doubly-so when, at last, it was my turn to hold her.

I've now been changing diapers like a champ, singing to her like a fool (see the video, below) and — Raven's misfortune being my good luck — I get to feed her a lot, too.

DW's (and — wow! — especially LJ's) photo systems being the primitive beasts they are, even in the best of circumstances, you won't be seeing an enourmous amount of picspam here. For those who are interested, I now have an Instagram for shallow spontenaity. If you've got one two, let's follow each other!

I've also started a baby/parent-centric blog called The Adventures of Daddy Zesser, which I've been updating (sigh) a lot more regularly than I have been here (to put it mildly. When I get the chance, I'll see if I can figure out how to syndicate to these venerable platforms.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I am, once again, exhausted. But still very happy.

Say good night, baby ...

My darling daughter poses with her first work of art. Medium: faeces

Post-scriptum: If you wondered about the title way back at the top, "Asta Djun-Rei" is our baby's first name. The first part comes from Finland, while the second part is a transliteration of her Chinese name. We did a lot of thinking and talking about it and decided we wanted her to have the choice of embracing her white heritage or her Chinese (or both, preferably). She also has three middle names and her last belongs to my paternal grandfather — Drozdowicz. Raven insisted that my child carries my name. But she hates my actual last name (Dow, which you might notice comes from the middle of Drozdowicz; my dad got sick of having to spell out his birthname) and so my grandfather's legacy lives on after all.

And no, I won't be remotely surprised if Asta changes it back some ways down the line.

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There was a shooting on my street a few nights ago. Or rather, mornings. It happened around 07:30 on Monday, apparently, literally less than half a block from where we live in Ottawa's Centretown.

I slept right through it, and so did Raven, but she took a picture of the police cars protecting the block that had been roped off and I found that on my phone when I woke up a couple of hours later.

The cops were still there when I went to work (see photo, above) and were still there when I returned from work at around 02:00 the next morning. In fact, they were there when I went to work on Wednesday afternoon, though Raven reported that they had finally gone when she got home from work later on.

We since learned that the shots were fired at a house, and that one person was wounded. No one was killed.

In fact, it was a bad couple of days for gun violence here in Ottawa, with three separate shootings happening over a couple of days. But I am not here to write a treatise on why I am unsurprised that violent crime seems to be on an upswing 20 years after Mike Harris' government slashed welfare rates by 20% and generally led the charge of austerity in Ontario.

I am immediately interested in my reaction to such violence happening so close to home — literally close to home — and in my reaction to it, and Raven's reaction to it.

In short I didn't react. I was mildly curious, and vaguely hopeful that no one had been hurt or killed, but that was pretty much it. I wasn't frightened, nor was I suddenly worried that our neighbourhood was in any fundamental way changed for the worse.

Shit happens, as they say, and for once it had happened just up the street from me. From us.

Then, when I came in last night (early Wednesday morning), I saw that Raven had left out for my edification, a Crime Stoppers pamphlet, a small piece of blue paper with contact information for a social service agency offering crisis counselling and a double-sided, legal-size information sheet titled Neighbourhood Trauma: What to do when a violent or traumatic incident happens, offering advice and reassurance that it is okay to be upset. (See photo below.)

Three information sheets, delivered post-'traumatic event'

Which made me briefly wonder (and not for the first time), Is there something wrong with me? Should I be upset that someone was shot only a few doors away from where I live and while I slept?

As usual, I pretty quickly dismissed that worry. Like car accidents, violence does happen sometimes, and there is no logical reason to be more upset that it happened to occur in close physical proximity to me, than when it happens in the Byward Market or somewhere in Hintenburgh.

But then, I realized that, due to our schedules (Raven works 9-5, I work 14:00 to one or two in the morning, Monday through Thursday), we hadn't actually talked about what had happened.

Could it be that Raven was upset? Might she be dreaming of looking for counselling even as I warmed up the delicious home-made soup she'd left out for me? (The main meal — the last of our harvested Chinese vegetable Raven doesn't know the English name of, braised lotus root and a few slices of fried beef on a bed of rice (yes, she treats me well!) I would leave for breakfast. But I digress.)

So, when I had a few minutes to spare at work on Wednesday evening, I sent her a text asking if she had some time to talk.

She did, and I got quickly to the point. And as I'd expected (after almost nine years together I think I know her pretty well), she was no more upset or "traumatised" than I was. She almost laughed when I asked her, though she wished the CBC would do a better job of finding out the details of what happened, and why.

She did laugh, when I mentioned the word traumatised (which I see now isn't included in that info sheet; rather, it refers to a "traumatic event", but never mind that).

Point is: are we weird? In that sense? (We're definitely both kind of weird in other, not necessarily shared, senses.)

How have you reacted when a "traumatic event" has happened near you? Did you shrug your shoulders and ponder statistics as I did, or did you have a more visceral reaction?

Whether you did, or didn't, you should have a cookie for having read so far. The ones in the photo below contain chopped green onions in place of chocolate chips. And yet, they were delicious!

Raven made cookies and filled them with chopped green onions!

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Father and son relax after a long drive to Québec

The trip's MacGuffin — the whole reason I booked a day off work, booked a car and a room at l'Université de Laval, and bought a pass to the Festival d'été de Québec was to see Neil Young. All else was going to be gravy on that ageless rocker's poutine.

So I'm sure you can imagine that moment when ...

... I was three quarters through Montréal, bombing along the Met at maybe 25 kilometres per hour (and two hours from Ottawa, should I have decided to turn around), when I realized I had forgotten my god damned festival pass on my desk back in at home in Ottawa.

I was running on about four hours' sleep, my stomach was already rumbling, and I was halfway to my destination. Sure, I could go back, but the whole point of leaving a day early was to not be a fucking zombie come show-time on Friday. (And, secondarily, to have some time to get to know Quebec City a little bit before-hand, as well as after.)

So, I slowly worked through my options, as I navigated a crumbling, 50-year old highway build for a city half the size of the one it now serves.

  1. I could turn around and go back home to pick up the pass;


  2. I could just write it off and spend more time exploring one of North America's most fantastic historical cities;


  3. Or I could see if it was possible to get the damned thing shipped to me.

Needless to say, once it occurred to me, Option 3 seemed like the best plan by a country mile.

I waited until I was off the island and pulled off at an exit that promised a burger as well as time to use my phone. First thought: Purolator. Well, they could do it, all right. Pick up and deliver, all for the entirely reasonable fee of, er, $450. That's right, four hundred and fifty dollars.

Well, I love Neil and all, but not that much.

Thank fuck I remembered BPX — bus parcel express. I made a quick call and was told they could get me the package, bus station to bus station, for about 25 bucks.

I called Raven, my sweetie (and now wife, my god), and she was willing to make the walk from home to the bus station (granted, only about six blocks from our humble abode) after she got home from work, and despite the humid, 34C afternoon weather.

I know I'm tempting fate by typing this all ahead of time, but I think it's a pretty good bet I'll be sing my show tomorrow — and maybe some other music, Friday and Saturday.

So, after That Moment when I realized I'd fucked up, came That Moment, when I realized my sweetie could make it all better.

* * *

You might be wondering why I am here in Quebec City on my own (well, with my son, of course), and Raven is keeping the home fires burning.

The simple answer is, what I consider music, Raven often defines as "noise". She has no interest in seeing/hearing Neil Young work his distortion magic on Ol' Black.

And it occurred (and occurs) to me just how lucky I am.

It's not every partner who not only "allows", but encourages, their other half to run off to another city to paint that town the proverbial crimson.

I don't suppose it's all that rare, now I think of it, but I still feel lucky to have someone in my life who will encourage me to go out and engage in pleasures she not only isn't interested in, but which she doesn't even understand.

God bless you, my love.

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My son and two of his cousins

My sweetie, known here as Raven on account of her once-Rave-black hair (now shot through with grey) and her preference for keeping an extremely low online profile turned 34 on Monday. For a variety of reasons, including the aformentioned greying hair, she is not thrilled that she is, as she put it more than once over the days running up to the anniversary, "getting old". (That I am now looking "forward" to turning 53 in February means any sympathy I have for her chronowoes is pretty pro forma.

Anyway, after something like 6 years of working a moveable shift, never knowing more than two weeks in advance what hours, or even what days, I would have to make my way to the airport, I have now begun working a regular shift. Monday through Thursday, 14:00 hours to whenever they send me home — usually between midning and 02:00. Long hours, yes, but regular, four days on, three off.

However, that means that this year, I was working on Raven's birthday, so we agreed to celebrate as we celebrate just about everything: with food, and on Sunday, the day before her actual birthday.

And more, she was willing to wait until after my championship soccer game. (See my previous post, Weeeeee Are the Champions, My Friends ...) After all, I had officially given her her birthday present a couple of weeks ago, when we went to see The Phantom of the Opera at the National Arts Centre. (I think quite highly of Jesus Christ Super-Star, but of the Phantom, all I really have to say is that the music didn't move me, but the sets were really nicely done.)

Now the truth is, we're not actually very big on rituals, Raven and I. We've been together for more than 7 years now, but have never married and, in fact, we both forgot about our anniversary this year. It was a week or so after the event that I realized it and brought it to her attention.

But that doesn't mean that rituals don't have some importance, even to people like us.

After I returned, cold but triumphant, from the pitch, I showered and then came downstairs, to where Raven had called me. She had found a restaurant she wanted to try and wanted to make sure I would be open to the menu, featuring food from one of China's southern, non-Han, provinces. The menu looked fine to me, the web said the restaurant closed at 10:00 PM (restaurant closing times are a Big Deal in Ottawa, in case you're wondering; trying to find trying to find food that isn't pizza, Chinese or Vietnamese after 9:00 is difficult at the best of times. Sunday nights, nearly impossible), so we headed out into the rain to the Virus Car I'd booked for three hours.

I should have known we were in for trouble when Raven's GPS lead us on a wild goose chase, costing us probably 10 minutes before we found our destination. And when we did, at around 9:05, we found out the interwebs had *gasp* lied to us. Not only did Yunan Fusion close at 9:00 PM on Sunday nights, it closes at 9:00 PM every night.

Raven was already frustrated by the wonky GPS directions, and we reached our second choice and found that it too was closed.

By this point, Raven was right pissed. And a pissed Raven is a scary Raven, make no mistake. I tried to jolly her out of her funk, but — with considerable restraint — she asked me to just let her vent for a little while, as I drove us back to our own neighbourhood and my favourite (yes, mine; Raven says they all taste pretty much the same to her) Vietnamese restaurant, a mere four blocks from home.

Her mood did improve over dinner (as it always does; her mood droops badly when she's hungry), but she was still dealing with a lot of disappointment as to how her not-quite birthday had gone.

And so, I decided that I wasn't going to wait for the card I had intended to get her and went to my office, where I had secreted a small box, in which lay a pendant I had picked out for her a few days before.

Nothing really expensive (of course nothing really expensive on my barely-more than minimum wage salary), and far less than the theatre tickets had cost, but it was a necklace whose stone had caught my eye and hoovered another 55 bucks from my wallet.

(A confession: Though when I bought the pendant last week I did so with her birthday in mind, between the Phantom, a couple of dinners out, and the fact that I hadn't found a card for her, I had been having second thoughts and was pondering saving it for a Christmas present. But her downcast demeanour put an end to that selfish fantasy.)

There really isn't much more to the story. I left her sitting on our bed, and came back with a small box.

"I was saving this for when I found a card for you," I said, "but you seemed so down I thought I should give this to you now."

And reader, face lit up story-book fashion: she beamed.

Yes, she liked the pendant, but it wasn't the gift that so lifted her spirits, it was the fact of the gift. That I had made the effort to shop for her (she knows I hate to shop), the fact that the gift was strictly for her, and not (as with food and theatre) for us.

And that's it, really. Nothing earth-shaking, but a good reminder to someone like me that people need tangible reminders, from time to time, that they are loved.

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I'm sick. 2nd degree hacking cough and a head full of mucus.

The cold came on fast Friday afternoon and evening, during what turned out to be an 11 hour shift. Nevertheless, I hoped on my bicycle for home come about 02:15 Saturday morning, then got back on it at about 11:15 for a return trip and another 11 hour shift on Saturday. I returned home a little after midnight, having cycled about 35 kilometres since the onset of symptoms.

I say all this not to brag (or not to brag much), but to note:

Less than 10 years ago, when I caught a cold it was my practice to take to my bed, to suck down Neocitrin, and basically spend the next four to seven days in bed.

Since then, though, I stopped smoking, cut my drinking by more than half and started biking a lot more and playing soccer. And — fancy that! — now when I catch a cold, I function. I doubt I get over it any faster, but I don't take to my bed like some upper-class Victorian lady with The Vapours, I just carry on. (And, probably, spread my illness around to my passengers, but what the hell; I'm pretty sure one of them gave it to me in the first place.)

And speaking of that cycling, I've long maintained that my bicycle is my primary mode of transportation; now I have proof.

After I bought a new machine some time back in August, I decided to splurge on an odometer. Which turned out to be an unreliable piece of junk, which I was fortunately able to return. At which point I took Raven's advice and tried out a GPS-based cellphone app called Strava — which works like a charm (so long as I remember to enable my location services). I started recording my rides on August 23rd. I've missed a few and will manually enter the information later, so the image below does not include all the miles (kilometres) I've cycled since then, but it's not too far off.

1,290 km in less that three months, damn it! And you know what? I'm proud!

1200 km cycled in less than 3 months!

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My mother came down from Sudbury

"No spring chicken" teaches lessons in accessibility

Image: Photo of Geoffrey Dow with Benita Hart, his mother

My mother is a cripple (her word, not mine). She's 83 years old, has two bionic knees and one of those is ... loose. Falling apart, she says, and the surgeons in Sudbury (all of whom work out of the same practice, so no shopping around for a second opinion unless you're willing to shop for one in Toronto or Ottawa) say she's too old for a replacement.

Despite that mechanical failure and a spine giving way to osteoporosis, and despite some problems with short-term memory (not, so far as I can tell, early-stage Alzheimer's or some other kind of dementia; but disconcerting nevertheless), her doctor tells her she's mostly in very good health and has every chance of seeing her 95th birthday.

She is, further, having the time of her life as a born-again celebrity of sorts (if only in Northern Ontario) and has made of her late uncle Jules' saying, "life is good", her own touchstone.

Image: Banner from CBC Sudbury's feature page for Benita Hart and 'Growing Old Ungracefully'.

Last week, a friend was driving down to Ottawa and wondered if she would care to accompany him. Travelling isn't as easy for her as it used to be, but she said yes, and so arrived in Ottawa last Thursday. And I saw her on Sunday.

* * *

A lot of people find my relationship with my mother a little strange. We actually like each quite a lot, as people as well as as mother and son, yet we probably don't see each other as often as once a year, we seldom email and, unless she's having computer issues (I have her running Linux Mint, so I'm her go-to guy for support when something's not working), we probably only talk on the phone every three or four months.

But those conversations usually last between two and four hours, and include healthy exchanges of politics and philosophy along with a a lot of laughter (and a little gossip), so I'm not bothered. And neither is she. After all, we both have lives.

Anyway.

She had asked about staying with me and Raven, but I had to remind her that inhabit the top two floors of a three-story town house. Though she's taken up distance walking through the good offices of a physiotherapist and a walker, her knees aren't up to a flight of stairs every time she wants to use the bathroom.

So, as I said, she stayed with a friend. And meanwhile, I had a friend of mine come into town on Thursday, whom I hadn't seen in 22 years. Since Sonia was only passing through town, I invited her to dinner and she stayed the night on our couch after we caught up and reminisced as old friends long out of touch will do. (It wasn't only the passing of time that was shocking about our reunion; it was also how many memories we did not share in common. Or, as Sonia put it, how lousy my memory was. Somehow, over the years, I had come to think of her as some sort of weird, near-celibate girl who was forever single; she had to reminded me that I'd met at least two of her boy-friends. But onwards. This entry is about Mom, and the lesson she taught me about accessibility issues.

You weren't expect a lesson, were you Gentle Reader?

I had work on Friday and Saturday, so it was only on Sunday afternoon, after my soccer game, that I actually saw me old mum in the flesh.

Image: Photo of Geoffrey Dow with Benita Hart, his mother, and her walker.

Cognizant of how difficult it can be for cripples the handicapped to get in and out of small cars, I'd foregone my usual compact in favour of renting a minivan, and it was in that vehicle that my mum, Raven and I set out for dinner, on the way detouring past our home, the inside of which my mother will never set foot.

We wanted to go to Saffron, a Persian eatery which — to our surprise if not quite shock — seems to no longer exist. We ended up at the Golden India restaurant, a Bangladeshi-style Indian restaurant on McArthur. Raven and I have been a couple of times before and found it far and away the best Indian food we've had in Ottawa. The dishes are subtly flavourful, even when "extremely" hot. (I ordered the brilliant Bangalore Pal and didn't regret a drop of the sweat I lost over it.)

But the good food and conversation were marred by a post-prandial occurrence.

Though the bathrooms were on the main floor, it turned out they were not, quite, accessible. The toilet, my mum said, was extremely low. There were no grab-bars. She very nearly had to call for help, just to get up off the shitter.

The things the able-bodied don't think about! (And despite my problems with arthritis, able-bodied is still how I think of myself!)

The restaurant's hostess apologized when my mother complained, but it was pretty pro forma. "No one else has ever complained," she said.

"Most people probably just don't come back," was my mother's response. And no doubt, she's right. Unlike my mother, most people don't want to make a fuss. Hell, my mother doesn't "want" to make a fuss either, but she (quite rightly) thinks that fusses sometimes need to be made.

Anyway, the incident left me contemplating the place we'd tried to take her the last time she was in town, the sometimes sublime Chahaya Malaysia. A low-key, mom-and-pop style restaurant serving brilliant food, it is a also one of those places whose bathrooms are in the basement. Tough shit for the handicapped. And a good thing it was closed the time we tried to introduce my mum to its brilliant food.

But the moral of the story is, even when we think we're aware of issues having to do with social justice, it's really damned easy to miss the things that don't affect us personally in some way. If you've ever wondered why the toilets in old folks' homes are so high, or the seats have risers, now you know: when the knees are going, standing up is no easy thing.

Thanks, mum. I hope you had a good drive back on Monday. Presumably, if something went wrong, one of my brothers would have called by now to let me know.

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Funny thing about my state of mind following my my recent sports injury: I wasn't unhappy or upset about it. Quite the opposite. Sunday afternoon and evening found my smiling and laughing, despite the fact I could barely hobble up or down the stairs and that settling onto the toilet was a task that took me about 75 seconds to perform.

Despite it all, I realized I was happy. I felt as if I'd won a lottery, not like I was in a significant amount of pain.

And looking back at my recent self, I realized that I've been really quite happy a lot more than I used to be. Credit for some of it goes to the presence of Raven in my life, no doubt, but I don't think that's all of it. It seems almost as if I've entered into another, less angsty phase of life; though I risk jinxing myself, it feels like a new normal. Is this really what fifty feels like?

 

Meanwhile, due to the overwhelming deluge* of concern and curiosity about my recent sports injury, I am also happy to report that things seem to be healing apace.

By happy, I mean really happy. Never mind soccer, on Sunday I was worried I might miss one or more days of work — always problematic when you're on-call and don't have any paid sick-leave. But before yesterday was done, I was able to make my way downstairs in normal fashion, one leg after the other. Going up was harder, but I was able to do it, though I winced a lot when I put weight on my right foot and started to lift (in fact, sometimes I just limped up).

This morning, I find myself able to veritably bounce down the stairs and going up hurts considerably less than it did. And I'll be going into the office in a couple of hours and have virtually no concerns about spending four or five hours behind the wheel of a van. Bending down to pick something off of the floor still requires some acrobatics with my right leg, but I don't think I'll have any trouble lifting luggage into the back of the vehicle.

I think I will miss this Sunday's game, but more because Raven — who has had a brutal month-and-a-half at her office — is in serious need of a road-trip, and I've agreed to doing a weekend in Montreal with her.

All of which is to say, It could have been a hell of a lot worse.

*Overwhelming deluge being here defined as a number > or < than 1.

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I feel weird, almost bourgeois — or maybe, "like a grown-up" says it better.

I type this entry from my office on the second (third: I'll explain) floor of our townhouse (apartment? I'll explain my confusion, never fear).

Image: Photo of morning light shining through Young Geoffrey and Raven's new kitchen window, April 4, 2015
Morning light shines bright in our o! so sunny kitchen!

A week ago, Raven and I were still living in our, mouse-ridden, slum-lord owned (Hi Chi! hovel with poor lighting and whose every amenity had been slapped to gather at the absolute minimum standard. A place who landlord I had two or three times called the city about in order to have Giant Piles of Garbage removed from below our fire escape, and who had once sent me an "eviction letter" by email. (We just ignored it, of course. The back-dated rental increase I went to the office to argue about and laugh at.)

Today, for $100.00 more per month, we find ourselves ensconces in a two-bedroom unit with twice the square footage on the top two floors of a town-house owned by a non-profit housing corporation whose goal is not to gouge tenants for everything we've got but rather, to works towards ensuring that Ottawa has a growing supply of affordable housing. (They're also prepared to supply us with plants for our balcony and/or the community gardening plots on the roof of the parking garage that sits on one side of the courtyard upon which our bedroom looks.

Rather than a four-lane, one-way arterial artery (Kent Street, for the locals), our new abode sits on a tree-lined residential street home to kids and dog-walkers. And Girl Guides, who managed to sell me a box of cookies about 10 minutes after I'd first used our new keys to get inside. But I digress. We're a half-kilometre or so closer to the airport, and a few blocks closer to Chinatown, which makes us happy. Not so much for the restaurants as for the convenience of picking up fresh vegetables more often.

The place isn't perfect — in fact, we already have a fairly long list of things that need fixing. But the CCOC also provides several convenient ways to contact the Maintenance Department; I'm optimistic that repairs will be made sooner that later — but so far, so most good. The furnace is brand new and our hot water is a modern, utterly sensible "on demand" system, which means no wasting energy keeping a giant tank of water hot 24 hours a day when it is only going to be needed for one hour.

Aesthetically, it's going to take me a while to get used to having carpeting everywhere but the kitchen, bathroom and vestibule by the front door, but I suppose I'll manage.

Speaking of aesthetics, while the Christian world is celebrating the Resurrection, I'll be emptying boxes and trying to make our internet wiring discrete, if not quite pretty.

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I'm writing this entry (or at least, will have started it) at YOW, the Ottawa International Airport. I am not here to work but rather, to await the return of my sweetie, home soon after almost three weeks over-seas.

Three weeks: not an insignificant amount of time. Close enough to 6% of a year, if you want to put it in perspective.

And temporal perspective is something that's been hitting me a lot lately. More or less since I turned 50, come to think of it.

Unlike any previous milestone, this one gives me pause. I suspect the physical deteriorations of my parents, and a favourite aunt's early-stage dementia has something to do with it, but so to does the sheer extent of my own existence.

To put it another way: If three weeks is not an insignificant length of time, than 50 years is a fuck-load of it.

It's not just a lot of time in terms of a human life. Think about it. The first half of the 20th centure — 50 years — saw not one but two World Wars and a Great Depression, not to mention the widespread adoption of technologies like the automobile, the airplane and the televison, but also the invention of entirely new art forms: film, comics, jazz, rock-and-roll.

My own half-century is even more spectacular. Space-flight. Computers. The internet. Fifty years ago, homosexual acts were criminal acts, and a husband could not, in law, rape his wife.

All of which is to say: though I don't feel old (or even, much older), I've rather suddenly become all to aware of the passage of my time. Of goals and dreams unacomplished, of mistakes made. Of the sudden tangible reality of my own mortality.

I have become aware of death in a way I never was before. Or rather, of my death.

It's not that I am afraid of dying. I'm an atheist. Death holds no terrors for me. Rather, it's that I feel ... disturbed at the prospect of just how little time I have left. Let's face it: the odds that I have another 50 years ahead of me — never mind 50 good years — are not in my favour.

I dunno, really. There really isn't much point to all these words, other than a sudden desire to articulate what has been inchoate sensation, this realization that time is running short, if not quite (yet) running out.

I hope it proves to be a spur of some sort, something to goad me into making better use of my time than I have in the past. I do still feel as if I have the talent and brains to make something at least somewhat memorable of my life.

But by god, I guess I'd better get cracking!

Right. Speaking of time, Raven's plane will be landing in about five minutes. Time to wrap this up; time to pack away my miraculous portable computer, time to stagger downstairs and wait to hold her in my arms once again.

Life may be short but, as my mother has taken to saying, lately it has also been good.

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Down three goals at the end of the first half, playing short-handed the entire game and forced to accept a sub from the opposing team when their captain — and only girl playing — went down with a knee injury, the @UOttawa-A's of the Ottawa Footy Sevens Recreational Soccer League faced inevitable defeat with heroic defiance.

Early in the second half, they found the back of the Zinedine Shenanigans' net, then found it again. The Shenanigans struck back to re-gain a two-goal lead, but by the time the clock showed less than five minutes to go, Young Geoffrey answered the call for a sub at forward, despite spending most of his career on the back end of the pitch.

Young Geoffrey, the oldest player on the pitch, saw the ball land four metres in front of the opposition net and drove towards the orb. Eye on the net, he pivoted on his left leg and left fly with his right. The ball curved towards the far corner, even as a team-mate's foot lashed out and caught his ankle with a might blow. Young Geoffrey went down like some ancient oak crashing through the underbrush, yet he kept his eye on the ball and gloried in the sight of the netting billowing outwards.

GOALLL!

His team-mate went down as if in sympathy. "Jesus!" said Greg, "I'm sorry! Are you okay?

Young Geoffrey was already getting to his feet, even as the referee and players from both teams began to gather round like hyenas sensing blood concerned recreational players.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," said Young Geoffrey as he rotated his ankle to verify his words. "We scored, you know."

"You scored," said Greg, "that was yours!

The final four minutes saw the Shenanigans push for the trying goal with all their might, but despite their extra player, the uOttawa - A's held on for a victory well-earned.

* * *

I get mocked for my braggadocio, by colleagues at work and even by ostensible Best Friends, but fuck it. I was a fat(ish) kid as a youth and, though I loved to play pick-up hockey at the local (outdoor) rink, and soccer at recess in grade school, I was never under any delusion I was an athlete. I only once played an organized sport — soccer, the summer after grade five or six.

My sainted mother remembers me as a plucky little boy who "trundled bravely down the field". Thanks, mom; you make me sound like a dancing dog, as if it were a miracle I could play at all.

Anyway ...

Anyway, outdoor shinny gave way, in my teens, to indoor drinking and smoking and I kept up those virtues until well into my 40s.

So you know what? That at the age of 50 I find myself playing with and against "kids" who are mostly in their 20s and 30s is at least partly due to having had the wisdom to choose a robust set of ancestors, the truth is, I am proud of myself, as well as grateful.

It is fun to find myself getting better a fucking sport in my Late Youth, and watching that ball go into the net was an absolute joy, somehow made even sweeter by the fact of the kick that took me down almost in the same instant.

* * *

My god! Has it really been more than five years since I gave up that noxious master, tobacco? (It has.) A whole tenth of my life, now that I've passed the fifty year mark! The rate at which the passage of time continues to accelerate is as astonishing to me as it is appalling.

Which also means that another 5th anniversary is almost upon me: About a week from now will mark exactly five years since I reached over and draped my arm over Raven's shoulder. And, shortly thereafter, kissed her. (She made me sleep on the couch that night. But deigned to share it with me.)

We moved into our own apartment some three years ago or so, and are now about to move again. This time into a god damned town-house! Two floors. Carpets. Landlord a non-profit housing organizing, instead of rapacious slumlords (rent miraculously only $100.00 more than we're currently paying for the shoddy, mouse-infested hovel we'll call home for another two and a half weeks or so).

50 years old and a townhouse! Can it be that Young Geoffrey is not quite so young as he once was?

Hell, I dunno. All I'm sure of is, these entries would come a lot easier and more organically, if I wrote more of them.

I'll try ...

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Miracle by the Bay

(In which Young Geoffrey walks all over paradise and finds it Good)

Image: El Capitan Hotel, Mission District, San Francisco. Barred front door.
Portal to paradise? Not quite, the Mission District is not nearly as scary as it looks.

San Francisco is a magnificent folly of a city, a surrealist's vision or child's dream, but always humane and always on a human scale.

Fresh from a stay in LA, where it can seem as if you need to hop in your car just to brush your teeth, in San Francisco, we walked, Raven and I. We walked and we walked and we walked. From the barred gates of our hotel, exiting upon the dirty but not-quite slum-like Mission District, down to the old port and the glittering, tourist-infested Fisherman's Wharf. Up hills and down, through Chinatown and along Columbus. And always, I found myself gaping in delighted surprise, laughing and shouting for joy, boring poor Raven with variations on the phrases, I love this city! and This is so beautiful.

My pleasure was as a child's at Christmas, as a teenager's when the object of their desire says yes.

How could I not call out that I was in love with with this extraordinary assembly of construct and landscape?

Look on my landscapes, ye builders, and despair!

Image: Map of San Francisco via SFGate.com
A map of San Francisco, screenshot from SFGate.com. The horizontal line near the bottom of the square white box gives the scale: 1 mile/1.61 km.

If you've never been, there are two key features of geography that define — that bind and constrain, and so, liberate — San Francisco.

First, it is a small peninsula, surrounded by water on three sides. Like the Montreal, or any island city, there are practical limits to its physical size. Although the city proper only boasts a population of around 800,000 people, it is the second densest city in the United States; further significant growth would require paving over its parks or building a lot more high-rise condos than it has now.

Second, that small geographical area is extremely three-dimensional. More than fifty sudden and steep hills dot the peninsula, like a perverse god's challenge to human ingenuity. Look on my landscapes, ye builders, and despair!

Seriously, the city's geography is crazed, a madwoman's sketch of a potential city-scape or a stoned teenager's impossible dungeon, designed to test his buddies to destruction. No rational planner would look at that landscape and muse that — why yes! — here is an ideal place to build a city! Never, no matter how fabulous a natural harbour lay upon its shore.

And yet, there the city is, in all its audacious and rugged glory ...

Geography rules . . .

When I say we walked, I mean we hiked. No few of those streets have grades of more than 25 percent! Some are well over 30. If you haven't walked such roads, that means steep! Driving, you can't see beyond your car's hood when you crest a hill, or start to nose down one.

And then there's fucking Lombard Street.

If you didn't really look at the photo above, stop reading and look again. Really look at it. Those are cars making their way down among the bushes and flowers (except for the grey Volvo, midway down on the left. That's just parked. Presumably in front of its owner's house). And it's every bit as steep as it looks. So take a minute to have another look.

Done? Okay, onwards ...

When I first saw that stretch of so-called road above, I scoffed. Truth is, when Raven insisted we walk it, I did so reluctantly, complaining that we were just walking into the ultimate tourist trap, like every other gawking yokel in that never-ending crowd around us.

And maybe we were.

Image: The author trudges up a stretch of Lombard Street.
The author trudges up a stretch of Lombard Street.

But if this stretch, which a convenient historical plaque says is "known as the 'Crookedest Street' in the world" (strangely, hedging its bet), is a tourist trap, then at least it is a tourist trap in which people live (and park!).

And, as Raven managed finally to show me, despite my loutish refusals to see the beauty right before me, lest some local take me for a rube (and kudos to her for putting down my snobbish pre-conceptions), if it is a tourist trap, so what?

It is still gorgeous, it is still real, the view is awesome and it takes a lot of work to walk to the top of it.

With all with its deliberate switchbacks and its ostentatious flower-beds, Lombard Street might be extreme, it might even be the joke I first thought it was but, if so, it is a humane joke, because it only demonstrates by exaggeration the extreme landscape on which this city was built.

. . . If we're willing

Despite the roller-coaster terrain, San Francisco is laid out on a pretty standard urban grid. (More precisely, it is built upon several discrete grid systems, cut through with a few, seemingly random, diagonal roads to make things even more confusing.) Cross-streets are everywhere, even on the steepest hills.

Lombard Street notwithstanding, most of those streets — whether North/South or East West — mostly ignore the hills and just carry on. When you're driving and you can't see what's beyond the hood of your car, you go slow, that's all.

Image: View from a car: A street in San Francisco
View from a car: A street in San Francisco.

A planned city — a rational city — would have shaved the hilltops flat and filled the valleys with the rubble.

But San Francisco's houses and apartments, its shops and restaurants, they all rise and fall like the jagged risers of an escalator, up and down, up and down. (As Raven pointed out, this is a hard city for the disabled or the elderly.)

Or, a rational city would have reserved the hilltops for the rich, and maybe a park or two; for being admired, instead of to be lived upon and with. San Francisco chose instead to (not so) simply, build its streets and buildings up (and down) those steep slopes.

And in that acceptance of place lies the foundation of San Francisco's beauty, an seemingly Zen-like willingness to take the world as it is, to work within its limits, rather than the hubris that insists on altering the bones of the earth to suit our own short-term interests.

San Francisco is bat-shit crazy, but that is what makes it such a jewel, such a human environment, no matter that it is built of concrete and stone, of brick and of steel. After all, we are a building animal.

What a joy to witness — and to encounter, for whoever short a time — such a living example of the power of the human imagination when its focus is on living, not domination.

When I wasn't laughing during all that walking, I was sometimes fighting back tears. Love has a way of doing that to a man, too. And I fell hard for the city by the bay.

ed_rex: (Default)

LA-LA-LA, LA-LA, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

(In which Young Geoffrey looks down upon his betters and wonders just how many insensitive terms he can squeeze into his opening paragraph)

Dateline: Citadell Outlet Mall, somewhere in the Greater Los Angeles area, August 1, 2014 — Never let it be said that (however wonderful she is) Raven is perfect. Within that beautiful oriental figure lurks the heart of a savage hunter-gatherer, an attavistic appetite she must feed every few months. It took me a while to realize that it is the process, the hunt if you will, that fulfills her. As often as not she comes home from an afternoon at the mall empty-handed yet fully-sated.

As for me, well, though once upon a time I loved to haunt book and comic stores — as much for the process as the purchaces — that time is long gone. Shopping leaves me emotionally empty and malls make me a little crazy.

But here I am, as how could I not be? Raven wants to visit an outlet mall before we head back to a real city and so I sit at a shaded table, an out-sized (60 ounce!) lemonade from ("100% Employee Owned"?1?) Hot Dog on a Stick at my side, and a few minutes to ponder Los Angeles.

In some ways, there's not much to ponder and nothing to say that hasn't been said, for decades, by many others.

The "city" is an ecological obscenity and a cultural wasteland, its arterail roadways seemingly more important than the city they ostensibly serve. As I mentioned in my previous entry I have for years thought it was "only" a hypertrophied version of Sudbury, Ontario — an ugy, sprawl with no literal or metaphorical heart — and I was absolutely right. The analogy is spot-on. Or would be but for the vast difference in scale. Sudbury is a "city" of about 160,000 people, LA a "city" of 20 or so million.

But still ... in both places you will most likely need a car to buy a litre (or pint) of milk from whatever your starting-point; in neither place is a genuine city-like neighbourhood obvious. And in oth places, one's energy-footprint must, of necessity be huge.

Which is a rather long way of saying we've spent one fuck of a lot of time stuck in traffic.

I'm glad I've experiened LA, if only for the experience, but I have zero desire to come back (Wendy, if we are to see one another again, it will almost certainly have to be north of the border, not south of it). At the risk of sounding like the small-town bumpkin I suddenly feel like I am, the air stinks, the drivers are crazy and the food isn't even very good — though, as as been reported, the portions do tend towards enormous.

As has been noted by many others, it is a shocking series of contrasts between rich and poor, all set on a temporary desert soundstage, almost certain to create 20 million refugees when the last of the accessible fresh water has been flushed into the Pacific Ocean.

And yet, I have enjoyed myself. Partly just because of the strangenss of the place, and partly for things like yesterday's trip to the beach north of the City in Malibu, where I had the pleasure of learning something of the ocean's power first-hand.

Yes, I swam in and againt the pounding surf, got tossed around and had salt water flood my nose. It was the first time I've really enjoyed the process of swimming, of playing in the water, since I was a teenager at least.

We got there via a scenic route and so had a taste of the local mountains and desert via [Routh 10?], before the sprinklers at the local private university, Peperdine, blandly ignoring the signs warning of major drought reminded us that, in California as perhaps nowhere else in North America, money speaks louder than any thing or any one else. (It was fun to drive around the very vertical campus, although it put a strain on our little Chevy Trio.)

Anyway, it seems fitting that my last taste of LA should be in an equally unsustainable private outlet mall, which doesn't really seem all that different from, say, the Eaton Centre but for the fact that it is all on one level and they haven't bothered to put a roof over the whole thing. You're still at late-capitalism's Church of the Almighty Brand, with nary a bookstore or one-of-a kind retailer in sight.

Glad I came, but even happier that I'm leaving. Goodbye Los Angeles.

ed_rex: (Default)

(Young Geoffrey attended an orchestral concert;

Image: Philharmonim Mundi, May 18, 2013. Photo by the Phantom Photographer

(And you won't believe what he did there!)

So, I went Montreal the weekend before last. Yes, I drove, but for a change it wasn't work-related. Raven was my passenger, my sweety, instead of yet another flight crew.

We had gone to see a concert, the Philmarmonium Mundi de Montréal's spring production, held at the Salle de concert Oscar Peterson at Concordia University on the West Island of Montreal. The show featured work by Rimsky-Korsakov, Tchaikovsky and Sibelius, as well as a short, original composition by a local, Quebecois, composer.

I'm no connoisseur of classical music and I don't think I've been to a classical concert since my mother took my brother and I to see the Soviet Red Army Orchestra at the Sudbury Arena back when I was still in grade school. Yes, when I was in my teens and early 20s, I made some effort to enlighten myself. Beethoven's 9th Symphony was probably the gateway drug — what teenager could hear that fourth movement and not be transported by the sheer passion in the old maestro's notes? A little Ravel, some Tchaikovsky, and for a while I tried to convince myself that I heard something special in Glen Gould.

But the truth is, most of it went over my head or, at least, didn't much move me. And so I'm not going to start reviewing a classical concert now. I'll just say that, to my under-educated ear, Philharmonium Mundi sounded fine (and the young piano soloist, Jean-Michel Dubé, was a delight, clearly taking great joy in his craft).

But why, you might ask, did Raven and I journey to Montreal to take in a concert in the first place? And why a high-end amateur orchestra's concert?

Image: Marcel Chojnacki plays with Philharmonium Mundi, May 18, 2014. Photo by the Phantom Photographer.  
Marcel Chojnacki  

Plainly-put: family. My favourite uncle, one Marcel Chojnacki, has been a First Violinist with the orchestra for a couple or more years now and I've wanted to see him play for a while. This year, we had enough warning, time and cash on hand, so I booked a car and off we went.

Uncle Marcel is a remarkable man, frankly an inspiring figure, as well as someone I, as an adult, especially, have come to like an awful lot. A Holocaust survivor (see link above) who came to Canada in his mid-teens after the War, he danced with the National Ballet, was a high-school teacher and, now, still teaches ballet, practices Flamenco with a troupe and, yes, plays violin (an instrument he started playing in his 60s) with an orchestra. He is a husband and father and also paints, makes wine, bakes bread and is a consummate and generous host.

I could go on, and on, but this isn't supposed to be about Marcel, it's supposed to be about me, and how I embarrassed Raven at the concert itself.

The show started with Rimsky-Korsakov's Overture de la Grande Pâque Russe, continued with Tchaikovsky's Concerto pour piano No. 1 en si bémol mineu (yes, folks, everything was in French), the aforementioned piano solo by Dubé, and then Sibelius' Symphonie No. 1 en mi mineur.

 
 
Nothing to do with Tchaikovsky, but don't tell me Chuck Jones didn't know funny!
 

As I've said, everything seemed well-played to me, but the Rimsky-Korsakov and the Sibelius left me pretty un-moved; a fort-night after the fact, I can't say much at all about either. As I said, I'm no connoisseur. But the Tchaikovsky ...?

I dunno, maybe I'm a rube, or maybe I've just been ruined by Looney Tunes and Merry Melodies, the piano concerto delighted me! I didn't cry, but I surely did laugh (much to Raven's consternation). I tried to my chuckles quiet (and, I think, mostly succeeded), but chuckle I did.

That is a pretty damned playful piece of music, with arch piano runs chasing each other one way and then the other. No wonder they used them for cartoons! And I feel certain that Tchaikovsky himself meant them to share joy, to amuse. And maybe, to make people laugh.

I know it made me laugh, no at the music but (I think; I hope!) with it.

I dunno. What do you think? Am I a musical peasant, laughing at what I don't understand, or did I actually get the joke? Any aficionados (or otherwise) want to chime in and either correct me or join in with my boorish appreciation?

ed_rex: (Default)

By my own, idiosyncratic, calendar . . .

(Happy New Year, again)

January 18, 2013, OTTAWA — What a year it's been. Okay, 17 days, but it's almost *felt* like a year since, and more, since I last rode my bicycle, leaving it at the airport on the Friday before Christmas. The snow started coming down, joined by freezing rain, just as I started to head for home, so I circled back, parked the beast and took a bus.

* * *

The morning of December 22, 2012, was an old fashioned Canadian winter's day, snowing hard and blowing. And, old-fashioned Canadian at the wheel, new-comer riding shotgun, we were off (yes, through that first snowstorm of the year) to Quebec City and then Laval, for what turned out to be a wonderful (if too brief) holiday.

And then, shortly after our return to our Nation's Capital, Raven came down with a cold. She was out for (get this!) 12 whole hours before returning to the pink of health. I, on the other hand, took sick and am only now (finally!) coming back to life. (12 hours vs nearly *20 days*. It's a wonder I still love her!)

All of which is to say, I've been remiss.

I haven't mentioned that I reviewed Christopher Hitchens' last book, and that said review was published in the winter issue of Humanist Perspectives. They misspelled my name, but at least they got my website's address right. I'll be posting it their sooner than later.

I haven't mentioned the surprise sale of a photograph to one of Canada's major museums — in large part because I have not yet seen the cheque. (Memo to self: follow-up on that invoice!)

Nor have I finished my reviews of Elisabeth Sladen's memoir, Neil Young's genuine stream-of-conscious volume, Waging Heavy Peace, nor, most importantly, have I done nearly as much as I had intended to on the biggest project I have on the go.

It's not one that I've mentioned here much, if at all. Partly because I'm lousy at self-promotion, partly because it's far from ready for prime time and partly because there's a second party involved. But said second party has given me the go-ahead to mention it, and so ...

I am co-writing the memoir of a remarkable woman, one who endured the twin traumas of the sort of personal disaster you would think could only happen in fiction (or maybe on one of those daytime television freak shows), as well as abuse from a not just one public institution that should have been protecting her, but at least *three* of them.

It's a powerful story of a woman's desperate battle to protect her family and to find at least a semblance of justice from a system that seemed bound and determined to give her anything else.

Anyway, I am very happy to report that I have had two good night's sleep in a row (the first such series of the year, or so it feels) and that, yesterday, my personal "January 1st", I added about 1,600 words to that book and am damned if I don't make a daily habit of similar numbers for the next few months.

More to come, sooner than later. I promise!

Reprinted, with modifications, from a bloody Facebook posting, of all things, and posted first at Edifice Rex Online.

 

ed_rex: (Default)

I really don't like playing at being a corporate shill, but sweet Jesus there's a lot to be said for good ergonomic design!

Raven and I are in Quebec City, having braved a winter storm to get here (a five hour drive became one that lasted easily 7 and a half). We're in a rental car, a Toyota Yaris. Subcompact, pretty basic econobox.

But. Lots of room (right after I picked up the car, I drove out to the airport, where I'd left my bike the night before, not wanting to brave freezing rain after my return from Montreal) — no serious problem sliding it in once I popped off the front wheel) and, even more important — good, supportive seats.

Most times we've rented a vehicle — Ford Focus, Mazda 3, and I forget what-else — I end up in agony. For some reason most car seats are brutal on my thighs. But on this 7-hour drive through horrid conditions (so, stressful to boot), I felt only the inevitable stiffness that comes with being in one postion for too long.

Anyway, Raven't about ready to head out, so I'll leave you with a photo from last night. No promises, but I'll see about some pic-spam of the city itself anon.

 

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