How to Make the World a Better Place In 5 Easy Steps, Part I

[ed_rex]

Dear Waiters and Waitresses of Toronto,

The next time you saunter out to the patio to check on your patrons, don't just stop at the table nearest the door and agree to bring them their bill. Only 2 strides away sits a Young Geoffrey eager to order yet another pint, his current glass as dry as a Saharan oasia on the edge of an oil field during a drought - sucked dry by Man, starved by Nature.

Please ...

Don't just turn around and trace your steps back to the bar at the dank, Stygian depths of your establishment; don't stuff your ears with erzatz cotton while I wave and cry out, "Excuse me!" in the throws of my desparate alcoholism.

Instead, do expend the calories needed to fire the muscles in your neck and do turn your torso towards me; note said waving arm and desperate words; approach my table and acknowledge my order.

It's not that hard.

In fact, it's easier.

Easier for you, because, instead of taking one order at one time, you can take two (and - who knows? - maybe three).

Easier for me, because I needn't extricate myself from my seat and stagger after you into the darkness, gritting my teeth as I try to (politely) request another pint, then waste my time penning neurotic posts such as this one.

A happier customer means a happier server means a better world for us all (except, possibly, for those physicians who concentrate on soothing the acid indigestion of bitter Young Geoffreys such as myself).

And while I'm at it ...

Dear Fellow Cyclists,

If you are too gutless to brave the traffic, hail a cab, take the streetcar or use your legs. Leave the sidewalks to the pedestrians.

Love,


Young Geoffrey

Comments

[dilvalicious.livejournal.com]

I hope that you stiffed her on her tip!

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Nah, she was nice, just ... inefficient. It was only a little off what it would otherwise have been.

[dilvalicious.livejournal.com]

you're too nice man!

[swishhhh.livejournal.com]

Which is why I always carry along an extra bag full of juicy cracker delights.

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Er ... yes.

[stolen-identity.livejournal.com]

haha, that's friggin awesome. so true.

[anti-manifesto6.livejournal.com]

Hah , that- was funny. And, you're crazy, and neurotic, but I love you for it.

xo have a good one...

-laura-

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

I prefer to think I am "mentally different, not crazy.

(But I don't care why you love me, sweetie, so long as you do.)

[sarah-charade.livejournal.com]

If you are too gutless to brave the traffic, hail a cab, take the streetcar or use your legs. Leave the sidewalks to the pedestrians.

Ah, all too true. Bicycles do not belong on the sidewalk where they can run over small people like myself. You know what works? Push them into telephone poles just to spite them.

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I am usually too cowardly to push the people I wouldn't be ashamed launch into a telephone pole, and too nice to do it to those whose retribution I wouldn't fear.

[offermeescape.livejournal.com]

Dear Geoffrey,
I agree with your contention about waiters and waitresses. I have experienced this kind of poor service as well and I am insulted when they expect a tip for it.

I must disagree with your comment about cyclists on sidewalks: Okay, well I agree, but have you ever noticed that Yonge Street doesn't have enough room for a car and a bike in the right hand lane? I am guilty of biking on the sidewalk only on Yonge Street because quite honestly, I don't feel safe being on that road with SUV maniacs brushing by only inches from my pedal. They need to widen that road and make a bike lane, although the costs of that would never be worthy of the glory of our own bike lane on that street. Nonetheless, it's something that I hope for in the long-term future.

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Yonge Street is a little on the scary side, but (on those rare occasions I make it that close to the Orient) I still use it. Of course, I also cycled through two (count 'em) Ottawa winters, so perhaps I am not to be emulated.

That said, do you think the pedestrians feel safe when you're cruising along the sidewalk? I say: Walk your bike like a man, sir!

(Sorry for the delay in replying; either lj's email was flakey and I never received notification of this, or I was, and accidentally deleted it.)

[offermeescape.livejournal.com]

If Yonge Street is the Orient, than I am the west coast of America, my friend. Hah.

You make a valid point about the pedestrians, however, if there are too many of them, I walk my bike. If there's very few, I coast along slowly. I know, I know. I really shouldn't at all.

I have cycled through 10 Ottawa winters, young Geoffrey. You have some catching up to - perhaps a winter in St. John's, Newfoundland will validate your supremacy once more. ;)

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

10 Ottawa winters? I am impressed (they gots snow up there!). And I'm glad to learn you are at least polite when you take to the sidewalks.

But the west coast? I thought you lived in Greektown.

[offermeescape.livejournal.com]

Well, if Yonge is the orient..

and you kept going east over the Pacific..

you'd end up on the west coast of North America. ;)