New Fiction!

[ed_rex]

Well Christ, here it is. A new short story by yours truly. I wrote the first draft long-hand over four days while avoiding going home during the last days of my relationship with Laura. I typed it up a week or so ago, and lopped close to 1,000 words off of it tonight.

Obviously, it's too soon for me to judge it with any confidence, but I wouldn't mind some feedback. You can read it over at urbis.com (though I've only started using it now and am not entirely sure how it works, or on my own site.

Either way, I'd appreciate whatever feedback you care to offer. Be warned, there is a lot of swearing in the story and the subject-matter is kind of creepy.

(July 31, 2010: Edited to fix broken link.)

Comments

Re: Your story

[vernski.livejournal.com]

It reminded me, like I said, very much of my novel (ie: attempt at a modern platonic dialogue, except without the pre-ordained ancient solution), and it's failures.

As they say: actions speak louder than words. Any moron can sit around speculating (hockey on monday).It's only when one has to act (not there on monday) that truth gets out the megaphone and broadcasts the true state of affairs.

I think the same maxim holds true in fiction. Characters who don't act don't really hold us rapt unless they're saying something really new. Your characters weren't saying anything I hadn't thought for myself, so, like I said, I wasn't on the edge of my seat waiting to see where the conversation was going to turn.

However, it may have been mind-blowing to someone else - I don't know. In 2500, you'll be the Plato of pedopheliacs everywhere.

Ah, the joy of a cheapshot.

Re: Your story

[ed-rex.livejournal.com]

Consciously at least, it was intended more as an ironoic than a platonic dialogue.

Actually, that's not true. It sparked by one of those images that (too rarely) come when sitting on a patio, and developed into what I hoped would be an amusing, if possibly disturbing, portrait of an aspect of the male psyche.

You say it isn't engaging enough intellectually, and Steve said it doesn't have enough of a plot, or at least narrative conflict. I suspect you're both right.

Re: Your story

[sck5000.livejournal.com]

It doesn't have any plot. It's you masturbating philosophically across a table to yourself who is masturbating back at you from the other side of a slightly warped looking glass then resolving it without actually resolving anything. It's an essay disguised as a story through the constant reappearance of a waitress to fill beer mugs faster than anyone can drink them to provide the illusion of setting and time progression. Plato would have at least drawn a moral conclusion.