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November was mostly a lousy month for me, one of too much self-loathing, too much substance abuse, too much self-loathing, too little productivity or socializing (three nights out in a month? I think that's it). Even instant messaging was too much for me, let alone posting entries here (and never mind my Nanowrimo intentions). Mostly what I did do was watch far too many episodes of The Simpsons and various videos (all rented, sad to say - my desktop has died and I have yet to get it working again).
But that's not why I am posting now. Though it's early days yet, the paralysis has lifted and I don't want to bemoan my (self-inflicted) fate any more than you, Gentle Readers, want to hear about it.
What I do want to do is offer up some thanks to my (ex) ex, Siya, who last week - maybe inadvertently - tossed my a live-preserver.
She called me on Wednesday (or was it Thursday?) last week, said she was at her new home working on getting things organized. "Why don't you bring your laptop? I need company and you need to write. You have to promise to do at least 2,000 words."
Gentle Readers, I nearly said no, such was my state of mind, my lack of self-confidence.
"Let me finish breakfast and call you back," I said. During that interregnum, a ridiculous argument raged inside my head, but wisdom won out. I called her back. "I'll be over in an hour," I said, and an hour later (or maybe a little longer) I parked my bike in front of her place and rang the bell.
We talked for a few minutes, she showed me what she'd done with the place (a lot!) and we shared a smoke or two, then I opened my machine and she went off to work on making her place liveable.
And staring at my screen, away from my own home and with no internet connection to distract me, my god I did it. 2,000 words over the course of four or so hours! And another 2,000 the next day, when we repeated the process.
Over the weekend, things fell apart for me again, but yesterday I managed to start writing again and continued again today. The paralysis has left me and I feel better than I have in quite some time - now, to ensure that I make a habit of it, every bloody day ...
Thanks, Siya.
But that's not why I am posting now. Though it's early days yet, the paralysis has lifted and I don't want to bemoan my (self-inflicted) fate any more than you, Gentle Readers, want to hear about it.
What I do want to do is offer up some thanks to my (ex) ex, Siya, who last week - maybe inadvertently - tossed my a live-preserver.
She called me on Wednesday (or was it Thursday?) last week, said she was at her new home working on getting things organized. "Why don't you bring your laptop? I need company and you need to write. You have to promise to do at least 2,000 words."
Gentle Readers, I nearly said no, such was my state of mind, my lack of self-confidence.
"Let me finish breakfast and call you back," I said. During that interregnum, a ridiculous argument raged inside my head, but wisdom won out. I called her back. "I'll be over in an hour," I said, and an hour later (or maybe a little longer) I parked my bike in front of her place and rang the bell.
We talked for a few minutes, she showed me what she'd done with the place (a lot!) and we shared a smoke or two, then I opened my machine and she went off to work on making her place liveable.
And staring at my screen, away from my own home and with no internet connection to distract me, my god I did it. 2,000 words over the course of four or so hours! And another 2,000 the next day, when we repeated the process.
Over the weekend, things fell apart for me again, but yesterday I managed to start writing again and continued again today. The paralysis has left me and I feel better than I have in quite some time - now, to ensure that I make a habit of it, every bloody day ...
Thanks, Siya.