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What Are the Rules? (More Adventures In "Dating")
For that matter, are there rules anymore?
Saturday evening, I had a young woman over for dinner, a woman with whom I have now met in person 4 or 5 times. She is beautiful, she is passionately intellectual, she is more talented than she gives herself credit for and she can be very funny indeed; we enjoy one another's company and typically find ourselves surprised the time has passed so quickly.
She is also (yes, again) a great deal younger than I am, and one who is not, apparently, given to easily-readable body-language. She tends not to look me in the eye, she holds herself close.
From the tangible facts, I know that she likes me. We have gone out a number of times and she came over to dinner on Saturday. She also knows that I think she's beautiful (which, to me, implies an interest beyond mere platonic friendship). She has a boyfriend (of questionable long-term prospects), but also told me she considers herself polyamorous.
But beyond the tangible facts, I have no idea what she thinks of me.
What does it mean, ladies, when a man invites you over for dinner? Does it mean anything? Do you expect a pass? Think a pass might be made?
Am I an idiot to even be asking the question? (It's true: had she been within 10 years, with all other factors the same, I would have made a move. Am I being condescending in being so much more careful simply because the woman in question is so much younger than I am?)
I am curious as to whether you, my gentle readers, have insights into the general question - what are the rules? Is an invitation to dinner an invitation to dinner, or a tacit understanding that it is also at least a willingness to explore the idea of taking the relationship to a physical level?
When we were sharing a couch, should I have made a pass, or should I have waited for at least some kind of explicit signal she wanted me to?
I have, by the way, expressed my regret (at having not taken the chance) to the woman in question, so I expect I will soon know what she thinks of my questions - and of my cowardice/gallantry. But I am nevertheless curious to know what others think is the proper behaviour in such a situation.
And of course, I am terrified of checking my email. But checking it compulsively I am nevertheless.
If nothing else, I feel wonderfully alive.
Cheers!
Saturday evening, I had a young woman over for dinner, a woman with whom I have now met in person 4 or 5 times. She is beautiful, she is passionately intellectual, she is more talented than she gives herself credit for and she can be very funny indeed; we enjoy one another's company and typically find ourselves surprised the time has passed so quickly.
She is also (yes, again) a great deal younger than I am, and one who is not, apparently, given to easily-readable body-language. She tends not to look me in the eye, she holds herself close.
From the tangible facts, I know that she likes me. We have gone out a number of times and she came over to dinner on Saturday. She also knows that I think she's beautiful (which, to me, implies an interest beyond mere platonic friendship). She has a boyfriend (of questionable long-term prospects), but also told me she considers herself polyamorous.
But beyond the tangible facts, I have no idea what she thinks of me.
What does it mean, ladies, when a man invites you over for dinner? Does it mean anything? Do you expect a pass? Think a pass might be made?
Am I an idiot to even be asking the question? (It's true: had she been within 10 years, with all other factors the same, I would have made a move. Am I being condescending in being so much more careful simply because the woman in question is so much younger than I am?)
I am curious as to whether you, my gentle readers, have insights into the general question - what are the rules? Is an invitation to dinner an invitation to dinner, or a tacit understanding that it is also at least a willingness to explore the idea of taking the relationship to a physical level?
When we were sharing a couch, should I have made a pass, or should I have waited for at least some kind of explicit signal she wanted me to?
I have, by the way, expressed my regret (at having not taken the chance) to the woman in question, so I expect I will soon know what she thinks of my questions - and of my cowardice/gallantry. But I am nevertheless curious to know what others think is the proper behaviour in such a situation.
And of course, I am terrified of checking my email. But checking it compulsively I am nevertheless.
If nothing else, I feel wonderfully alive.
Cheers!
You asked for answers, sorry
Age is not the issue.
You said she told you she has a boyfriend. That is your answer. Simple. She is unavailable untill she spells out differently.
For example, if she gets involved with you and you are head over heels with her and she no longer "has" a bf, will you ever trust her? Will you ever believe in forever and always? Will you be surprised when she sits on the couch with another man?, etc.
Stop dating women that you don't stand a chance with for a true relationship.
I should say stop looking for love in all the wrong places. Go out with women- date, share dinner, movies but don't expect every date to be the beginning of a love affair that in reality you are making sure won't hapen. Are you really ready?
Think back over all your past beginnings. Did you ever have to plan it? Or did "it" just happen? Didn't you know that you could call her tomorrow and she was waiting for your call?
I don't date men that have a relationship in their lives cuz I learned the hard way that I don't want to be "the other woman" cuz there will always be "the other woman" even if it isn't me.
Re: You asked for answers, sorry
You said she told you she has a boyfriend. That is your answer. Simple.
... she also said, "...she considers herself polyamorous." Which, I think adds a whole layer of complexity to an already delicate pastry. (Ahem.)
For example, if she gets involved with you and you are head over heels with her and she no longer "has" a bf, will you ever trust her?
That is a valid, and very important, question. If he doesn't know she is polyamorous, then, probably not.
I should say stop looking for love in all the wrong places. Go out with women- date, share dinner, movies but don't expect every date to be the beginning of a love affair that in reality you are making sure won't hapen. Are you really ready?
In my defence, I wasn't looking for love, right place or wrong. This is a person whose company I have enjoyed tremendously on fewer than a half-dozen occasions; and for whom I feel a sexual attraction.
The more I think about it (and, by the way, I haven't been obsessing, quite), the more I think I should have. It is the might-have-beens and what-ifs that I regret most when I look back on my life.
Think back over all your past beginnings. Did you ever have to plan it? Or did "it" just happen?
Almost always, "it" just happened. And by "just happened", I mean the women in question were forced - by my unbelievable cowardice/politeness (call it what you will) to make their interest explicit. Considering that, in our culture, men are expected to make the first move, I am probably lucky I'm not still a virgin.