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What Are the Rules? (More Adventures In "Dating")
For that matter, are there rules anymore?
Saturday evening, I had a young woman over for dinner, a woman with whom I have now met in person 4 or 5 times. She is beautiful, she is passionately intellectual, she is more talented than she gives herself credit for and she can be very funny indeed; we enjoy one another's company and typically find ourselves surprised the time has passed so quickly.
She is also (yes, again) a great deal younger than I am, and one who is not, apparently, given to easily-readable body-language. She tends not to look me in the eye, she holds herself close.
From the tangible facts, I know that she likes me. We have gone out a number of times and she came over to dinner on Saturday. She also knows that I think she's beautiful (which, to me, implies an interest beyond mere platonic friendship). She has a boyfriend (of questionable long-term prospects), but also told me she considers herself polyamorous.
But beyond the tangible facts, I have no idea what she thinks of me.
What does it mean, ladies, when a man invites you over for dinner? Does it mean anything? Do you expect a pass? Think a pass might be made?
Am I an idiot to even be asking the question? (It's true: had she been within 10 years, with all other factors the same, I would have made a move. Am I being condescending in being so much more careful simply because the woman in question is so much younger than I am?)
I am curious as to whether you, my gentle readers, have insights into the general question - what are the rules? Is an invitation to dinner an invitation to dinner, or a tacit understanding that it is also at least a willingness to explore the idea of taking the relationship to a physical level?
When we were sharing a couch, should I have made a pass, or should I have waited for at least some kind of explicit signal she wanted me to?
I have, by the way, expressed my regret (at having not taken the chance) to the woman in question, so I expect I will soon know what she thinks of my questions - and of my cowardice/gallantry. But I am nevertheless curious to know what others think is the proper behaviour in such a situation.
And of course, I am terrified of checking my email. But checking it compulsively I am nevertheless.
If nothing else, I feel wonderfully alive.
Cheers!
Saturday evening, I had a young woman over for dinner, a woman with whom I have now met in person 4 or 5 times. She is beautiful, she is passionately intellectual, she is more talented than she gives herself credit for and she can be very funny indeed; we enjoy one another's company and typically find ourselves surprised the time has passed so quickly.
She is also (yes, again) a great deal younger than I am, and one who is not, apparently, given to easily-readable body-language. She tends not to look me in the eye, she holds herself close.
From the tangible facts, I know that she likes me. We have gone out a number of times and she came over to dinner on Saturday. She also knows that I think she's beautiful (which, to me, implies an interest beyond mere platonic friendship). She has a boyfriend (of questionable long-term prospects), but also told me she considers herself polyamorous.
But beyond the tangible facts, I have no idea what she thinks of me.
What does it mean, ladies, when a man invites you over for dinner? Does it mean anything? Do you expect a pass? Think a pass might be made?
Am I an idiot to even be asking the question? (It's true: had she been within 10 years, with all other factors the same, I would have made a move. Am I being condescending in being so much more careful simply because the woman in question is so much younger than I am?)
I am curious as to whether you, my gentle readers, have insights into the general question - what are the rules? Is an invitation to dinner an invitation to dinner, or a tacit understanding that it is also at least a willingness to explore the idea of taking the relationship to a physical level?
When we were sharing a couch, should I have made a pass, or should I have waited for at least some kind of explicit signal she wanted me to?
I have, by the way, expressed my regret (at having not taken the chance) to the woman in question, so I expect I will soon know what she thinks of my questions - and of my cowardice/gallantry. But I am nevertheless curious to know what others think is the proper behaviour in such a situation.
And of course, I am terrified of checking my email. But checking it compulsively I am nevertheless.
If nothing else, I feel wonderfully alive.
Cheers!
no subject
If she is anything like me, (which she may not be so this is not as much advice as possible insight) then she may just be waiting for the mood to be right. She may be on the fence about you for whatever reasons and not want to try to sway you in either direction, but may be pleased to find you interested in her, provided you show it in a pleasant way. This can be a delicate thing, for me it's a mixture of sublety and honesty-- which sounds like a contradiciton but is not. You can be subtley honest about your feelings for a person rather than overbearingly overt, or sneaky and dishonest.
As far as the age gap, to me it just makes me a bit weary because sometimes I question the motives of the person in question, but it doesn't make a pass from them altogether unwelcome, it just necessitates a certain finesse that I might not require of someone in another age bracket. (I tend to admire awkward youths but require a bit more grace in someone who is more mature.)
Probably not all that helpful, because it's just my point of view and this girl sounds slightly different than myself-- I tend to be more overt with my body language, if coy. (Coy is still different from non existant) But, I thought I'd put my piece in.
Honest Subtlety, Subtle Honesty
That's what frustrates me about (a) my incompentence at reading people's body-language and (b) her exceptionally neutral body-language. I honestly have no idea at all whether she is or is not interested in me "in that way".
This can be a delicate thing...
She reads my journal. It might have been a delicate thing, but it sure ain't anymore. ("Can we spell 'idiot' boys and girls?")
As far as the age gap, to me it just makes me a bit weary because sometimes I question the motives of the person in question...
Well, at the very least, I am okay with my motives. Unless I am very drunk in the moment, I don't waste my time hanging out with people I don't respect in hopes of "getting some". If I don't expect to be able to enjoy talking with you over breakfast, I'm not going to try to get you into bed the night before.
And yes, coy is very different from non-existent. I think. Maybe I am so bad at reading body-language that I couldn't tell, come to think of it. I am suddenly remembering when I first realized Laura was interested in me: she had to literally jump on my lap and say, "I'm horny!"