New Fiction!

[ed_rex]

Well Christ, here it is. A new short story by yours truly. I wrote the first draft long-hand over four days while avoiding going home during the last days of my relationship with Laura. I typed it up a week or so ago, and lopped close to 1,000 words off of it tonight.

Obviously, it's too soon for me to judge it with any confidence, but I wouldn't mind some feedback. You can read it over at urbis.com (though I've only started using it now and am not entirely sure how it works, or on my own site.

Either way, I'd appreciate whatever feedback you care to offer. Be warned, there is a lot of swearing in the story and the subject-matter is kind of creepy.

(July 31, 2010: Edited to fix broken link.)

Comments

Your story

[vernski.livejournal.com]

Well there's very little mystery to me as to whom the Lawrence character is based on: it's SS.

I enjoyed reading it. It reminded me of my disaster of a novel: dialogue, with almost every action having to do with ingesting one drug or the other. And that is probably it's biggest flaw. That, or the dialogue doesn't go far enough. I mean, I've had this conversation, so it's not exactly like I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to find out where it's going next. More, I'm waiting to see which of SS's mannerisms you'll describe next. Which means that I'm already outside of the story because I know who the lead character (you) is conversing with (SS).

So, basically, I think you should either: make the conversation more interesting; or make myself more inexperienced in regards conversations.

Then it would be a better story.

Although I still did enjoy it. After I was done I felt full of nicotine, alcohol, and grackle-icious voyeurism.